The power of delighted attention

I have just been reminded of a powerful and simple exercise that demonstrates the power of delighted attention. This makes people happy when you give it. It is also quite lovely to receive.

Divide your group into pairs. In each ask them to choose to be A and B and that say that both will play both roles in turn. Ask the A's to think about an issue that is significant to them and that they haven't solved yet or would like to get new insights into. Get an agreement about confidentiality and not gossiping.

Ask the A's to talk about their issue to their B. The B's are just to listen, pay attention, look at their partner warmly and encouragingly, and show their delight in having the opportunity to listen, and keep quiet. Then swap roles so the B's talk and the A's listen. About five to fifteen minutes each way is enough, depending on the nature of the group. After the two sessions, have a brief discussion about what it was like to listen and to be listened to. Also ask people if they made progess with their issue.

I ran this many years ago in a counselling skills course and was astonished to find that in ten minutes 70% of the group had made significant progress with their issue. It's amazing how powerful loving attention is. It really does help you think. Sadly, it is also very rare.